My Next Husband Will Not Be a Vampire

Fun food for thought

By Laura Browne, Author & Corporate Trainer

No matter what Stephenie Meyer, author of the fabulous Twilight series, says - I do not want to marry a vampire. First there is the obvious reason, I don’t know any vampires. And there’s the other problem: he would probably want to suck my blood and kill me, which apparently is just a minor detail if you’re in love.

My pals and I were discussing the Twilight books and the new Breaking Dawn movie coming out in November and we decided one of the main draws of Ms. Meyer’s vampires is that when they fall in love, they do so for life. Wow, talk about tapping into one of women’s greatest fantasies. There are no mid-life crises to worry about and no concern about other women; they simply adore you no matter what. Even so, I just don’t think vampires are good marriage material.

Being a modern woman in the middle of a divorce, I’m just a teeny bit cynical (okay, very cynical and a little envious). Loving you forever sounds great, but vampires never die so that’s a lot of time.

In the years I was married, my soon-to-be-ex-husband and I both managed to build up plenty of resentment. Imagine what that would be like after 400 years of marriage. You’d be sitting around with your sparkly vampire husband and you’d bring up how you didn’t like the way he looked at that waitress 200 years ago. Suddenly forever seems a whole lot longer.

I know, I know, vampires are also supposed to be gorgeous. That might be enough to get you through the first 100 years, but I need more than a pretty face after that.

So, I’ve crossed vampires off my list of who I want to date. Instead I’m going to spend my time looking for a truly mythological creature – a nice, sweet, smart, fun, single guy who is interested in a relationship. I realize I probably have a better chance of finding a unicorn prancing in my front yard, but that won’t stop me from looking. After all, I may not have forever, but I’m willing to wait so I can find the right leading male character in my own version of a romance story.


Laura Browne is author of Raise Rules for Women: How To Make More Money At Work and Why Can’t You Communicate Like Me? How Smart Women Get Results At Work. Both are now available in paperback and for the Kindle at Amazon.com