Being a good leader requires a combination of people skills
that generate respectful relationships. A good leader knows how to elicit the
best from her team because she sees each person as a valuable, and unique,
member of the group. This involves the following basic interactive,
team-building skills:
First, recognize how all members of the group are more alike
than not. Everybody wants to be successful, avoid failure, and be happy. Each
team member has more in common with one another than not. That’s why team
building activities that group people by common interests, demographics, age,
or family lifestyle are so effective at bringing different types of people
together and helping them to get to know one another. The activity shows what
they have in common. This works because initially we’re all a little afraid of
the unknown. Finding out that team members are a lot like you reduces anxiety.
Next, showcase the unique contribution each team member has
to offer in two ways: a) identify the
skills, talents, and traits of each member such as by reviewing their past
work, by talking with each one individually, or by asking each one to tell the
group about one of their most satisfying work experiences; and b) recognize
that people can be very different and have very distinctive ways of
contributing. Discover what each person does well and offer opportunities for
them to do it. For example, if someone enjoys technology, don’t ask them to do
marketing or sales. Avoid asking a team member to do something they dislike or
don’t feel competent at. For example, don’t ask a shy, self-conscious person to
give an oral presentation to a large group.
Finally, interact with diplomacy using physical, mental, and
emotional contact. Physical contact includes smiling, nodding, and making eye
contact. With people you know well, it could include a touch on the arm. These
gestures let the person know you’re paying attention. Mental contact includes
using words your listeners can understand and not jargon that could be
misunderstood. Take ownership of your thoughts by using “I” statements and
checking out assumptions. Emotional
contact includes identifying how someone could be feeling and asking clarifying
questions to be sure you’ve gotten the message.
A good leader uses these simple and basic ways of
interacting. People enjoy working with and for a good leader because they feel
visible, acknowledged, and appreciated.
Ellen Diana is a psychologist, author of the Lucky
Dreamer Tip Series, and co-author of the Charge
up Your Life series of self-help books. She has
30 years’ experience working with children, adults, couples, and families in
schools and in private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. Helping women to evolve
into their best selves through personal growth and self-awareness is a passion
of hers. Ellen raised three successful children as a single parent and so has
special interests in mentoring other women in transition and helping parents to
raise resilient children. Contact Ellen at drdiana@ellendiana.com or through her website www.ellendiana.com
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