Gabrielle Loomis, Certified Coach
For most women, healthy relationships are an essential component to living a happy and contented life. They bring us a sense of joy, purpose and connectedness. And while healthy relationships can add so much to our lives, it can often seem like they are more chance, than choice, and illusive, rather than purposeful. But the reality is that we have much influence over how we experience relationships and ourselves in them.
Creating happy and healthy relationships begins with energetically setting the foundation of the relationship so that the relationship can express the fullest potential of what we desire - whether that be love, recognition, support, etc. Are you aware of the foundation you are creating in your relationships? When you become conscious of the foundation, you then have choices, tools and the ability to create a foundation which supports what you want to experience as you connect with others.
Our energetic foundation begins with our personal beliefs, perceptions and past experiences which creates a dominant vibration or signal which then translates into direct and indirect communication. Our dominant vibration directly turns into our words, actions and behaviors. Indirectly, our dominant vibration is the essence of us which others feel, interpret and experience on many different levels. Since over 80% of communication is nonverbal, we all are communicating with energy long before words are spoken or actions are taken.
If you want to experience healthy, supportive and loving relationships, here are four ways to consciously create a foundation which will allow this to unfold in the best possible way.
1) Be open to receiving.
Many women feel that they are the givers in their relationships and they don’t have anyone who is giving to them. If your dominant energy pattern is something along the lines of “I’m fine. I got it. I’m good. I can do it on my own”, then there is an unconscious pattern blocking your receptivity to support, help, love, etc.
As women, we have been taught that our worth is tied up in what we do for others - in our giving - so we limit or block our receiving because that doesn’t give us a sense of inherent value or worth. We often confuse giving as a one way process. We forget that if there was no one to receive, we would have nothing to give. This holds true in that we can give others the pleasure in giving to us.
So play with allowing others to give to you and responding with a smile and a thank you. This could be on the spectrum of letting someone hold the door open for you to letting a loved one help you in some significant way.
2) Stay yourself.
Another common experience women have is they lose their sense of self or identify when in relationships. We mistakenly believe that if we put our own wants/needs/desires aside that somehow that will strengthen our relationships or at least keep us connected to others.
We think if we make it all about them, the relationship with flourish. And often it does feel good at first, but the longer we discount ourselves, including our intuition, our needs, wants and desires, the more we open the door to feelings such as bitterness and resentment and beliefs such as being taken advantage of or we don’t matter.
So take a risk and play with being transparent in your relationships. Maybe you reveal something about yourself or are completely honest in asking for what you want.
3) Shift your focus.
Often, women believe that they don’t have any control in their relationships. This can express as thoughts such as “if only he loved me, he would...” or “if only my boss would recognize me, than...” It’s as if we are at the whim and mercy of others and do not have the ability to influence our own experience.
Often what is happening is that we are mistakenly trying to control what is out of our control and neglect what is actually in our control. We have control over our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and choices. We do not have control over what others are experiencing including their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and choices. When we can let go of exhausting ourselves and our energies by trying to control others, this opens the door for us to take 100% responsibility for how we experience others and therefore create transformation.
Shift your focus from trying to make another person feel something to connecting to how you feel. Explore your own feelings through writing, playing or speaking them directly to another.
4) Shine your light.
Many women hold themselves back in relationships, perhaps to stay inside comfort zones or to not threaten others. We think “who am I to do all that? Who am I to play so big in the world? Who am I to shine so bright? Others are certainly more capable, experienced, talented or thinner.” These thoughts, beliefs and feelings are what prevent us from experiencing what we are truly capable of.
When we play small, we create an void inside of us that we look to others to fill. We seek for others to give us a sense of self esteem, value and worth which can lead to an exhaustible external search. The self esteem we desire truly comes from within.
Notice what is already inside of you, just waiting for your permission to burst forth and shine. What natural talents, abilities and gifts are ready be unleashed in the world?
When we become aware of how we have energetically set up relationships, we can see that we have many choices for change and transformation. When you open yourself up to receive, stay yourself, shift your focus and shine your light, you build a strong foundation for creating happy and healthy relationships.
For more ways to create happy and healthy relationships, visit www.gabriellemarieloomis.com. On the homepage, enter your name and email and receive a free audio gift 2012: Your Best Year Yet! It’s filled with all kinds of tools and suggestions for how you can practically step into the fullest expression of you in 2012. Ready to make it your best year yet?!
About the Author: Named after the great archangel, Gabrielle Marie Loomis is a Messenger for our modern day world. Through her work, she has helped hundreds of women connect with their own power to heal, love and shine brightly in the world. With over fifteen years of training in energy psychology, manifestation techniques, metaphysics and holistic healing modalities, she has been described as a master coach, healer, medical intuitive, shaman, psychic, counselor and spiritual adviser. Her credentials include Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, Certified LifeLine Practitioner and Certified Life Coach. Gabrielle offers a variety of transformational programs, products and services which can be found at www.gabriellemarieloomis.com.